Stupid Promo from Citibank

Or rather, the people who are availing this are stupid! Citibank is a first class duper.

Watdapak Movie

Imadyinin mo na lang kung ipapalabas ito sa Pilipinas.

Ang mga bishop siguro ay lalabas ang lahat ng ugat sa leeg sa panggagalaiti, at ang mga pari ay uutusang kumalat sa lahat ng teatro at babasbasan ang mga nanuod pagkalabas ng sinehan. May rebyu na kaya nito?

Ito ang isang rebyu.

Dear Ensogo,

Dear Ensogo,

You dont have to hire a model, plaster her face in your email burst, call her with a cutie-cutie Nicole name, pretend she's one of your grunts at the office, and write enticements like "we miss you," to prod your existing members to click and buy. 

Just find and close good deals with your principals. That's the only thing needed. Merry Christmas, Nicole!

Nuclear Technology for you Pipi

Since this pack that Ive seen is already in the bargain bin of Puregold, I guess it is due for an update.

The next better slogan for the Upgrade would be "Fission Technology, another breakthrough for your vaginal needs!" We'll break the atom of your menstruation to smithereens!

May you die...

no. suffer first, and then die.

Aahh, should i get another credit card then?

Something is wrong with this sentence: "The Free Movie Passes all-year round program will end on March 15, 2011." Well terminating the promo is wrong altogether! What with BPI having their free Jollibee and HSBC with Starbucks gratis!

Indiesine sa Robinson' Galleria

Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, mayroong sinehan sa Robinson's Galleria na nagpapalabas nang mga pinoy na indie films. Tuwing magagawi kami para tignan kung ano ang umuukopa nang slot na ito, kadalasang pambading ang mga tiradang tema ng palabas, katulad nang isang ito...

Pinapalabas ang mga obra nina Monti Parungao, Jonison Fontanos, atbp, sa sinehang ito. Ang mga taytol ay ganire: Ang Lihim ni Antonio, Parisukat, Pipo ang Batang Pro, Discreetly, atbp. 

Ang parating nasa poster ay mga lalaking walang pang-itaas, katulad nito:

Nakakahanga kung paano natatapos ang mga ganitong proyekto at kung paano nasusustena ng lokal na mga manonood. Meron na bang permanenteng tagasubaybay ang mga pelikulang ganire na sumasadya na lang sa Cinema 7 ng Galle lingu-linggo? Kumikita kaya ang mismong sinehan at namuhunan? Ilang araw kaya ang shoot nang mga ganitong pelikula? Paano kaya ang disposisyon sa pagkatay  nang mtrcb sa mga ganitong produksyon?

Samantala, ang palabas ngayon sa indiesine ay obra nang anak ni Celso Ad. Castillo:



Panalo ang pagkakahulog sa hukay nang bida! Hagalpak siguro nang tawa kapag sa sinehan ito pinapanood. Langya. UNTAMED VIRGINS, ang pelikulang parang hayskul project lang.

Usapan sa isang restoran.

Isa na namang "litwit" na paligsahan ang pinangahasan kong salihan. Ang asaynment: sumulat nang nakabibilib na usapan sa isang restoran, na akma para sa litratong ito: 

Sinubukan kong alalahanin ang ilang interesanteng usapan na naranasan ko maski sa isang karinderya, pero wala, walang isang kapsula lang nang usapan na kayang iiksplika sa 1,000 salita lamang. Naroon ang ang mga nagdedeyt sa buon giorno na naulinigan nain na talampunay pero ang kanilang mga papapakyut ay mukhang di mananalo sa kontes. 

hindi ko alam kung bakit sa mga aktibista napunta ang aking interes: 

–Bakit ka ganyan, bok? Di ka naman ganyan dati, ah.
–Bakit, ano ko dati?
–Progresibo ka mag-isip dati. May malasakit sa mga layunin natin.
–Hhmn napagod lang siguro ako mamitik ng librong gusto ko sa national bookstore. Kaya naisipan ko nang kumayod at kumita.
–Oo nga alila ka na talaga nang kapitalista. Pumipilantik na rin sa kaiingles ang dila mo.
–O, di naman kita iniingles ngayon a. Purong pinoy tayo mag-usap.
–Pero dumudulas ang dila mo kanina. Ang bigkas mo sa mamitik… ma-me-tekh. Langya.
–Pasensya na, baka dumulas nga. Pero kaya ko pa rin namang ma-ki-pag-ba-li-tak-ta-kan sayo…
–Oo, pero yang damit mo, yang mukha mo, panay siguro ang facial scrub mo.
–Kailangan lang sa trabaho na maayos tayo at mabango tayo.
–Oo nga, todong sellout ka na.
–Di naman siguro, bok. Aktibista pa rin sa utak. Sumisingit pa rin ng laban, laban sa kabobohan.
–Bakit ka ba nagkaganyan, bok? Napa-maling-timpla ang gising mo isang araw at bigla ka na lang kumalas?
–Nung una, gusto kong matikman ang technology kasi. Unang humila sa akin yung PS2. Gusto kong maglaro noon nang Grand Theft Auto. Ngayon, eto–tignan mo itong cellphone.
–May cellphone din ako, di nga lang ganyan kaganda.
–Subukan mo lang pre, i-try mo lang. Sabihin mo sakin na di mo maappreciate ang technology. Itong isang produkto nang kapitalismo.
–kailangan din namin yan, may selpon din ang kilusan, pero di namin kailangan nang ganyan kagarbo.
–Ayaw mo bang kumakain sa ganitong restoran?
–Kaya kong lutuin ang halos lahat ng putahe dito.
–E pano ang ingredients, pano ka bibili? Subukan mo lang intindihin. Hindi ito simpleng sunod lang sa agos. Nakita mo yung bagong pictures ni Joma na nakadamit nang magagarang sweater. May tsiks pa na nadikit ang boobs sa braso? Suporta pa ba sa layunin natin, yon?
–Nakita ko nga at napagsabihan na sya.
–Napagsabihan nino?
–Basta di ko kailangan nyan.
–Subukan mo lang, pre. try mo lang. Hindi ito oras nang drama, pero palagay ko, pag pinagtabi-tabi tayo, pag hinubad lahat nang pretensyon, unang loyalty dapat ay sa sarili, bok.
–Kailangan pa tayo nang naargabyado, pre.
–Mas masarap mag-aral nang may internet. Mas epektib na gamitin sa akribismo ang internet. Hindi na tayo dapat… ayan na ang inorder, kumain muna tayo.
[kumain, makailang subo...]
–Patingin nga nyang cellphone mo. Ito ba yung may 4G-4G eklat?

Parte pa rin kaya ito sa aking personal na pakiramdam nang pagkalibadbad sa trabahong corporate? O talaga namang inobsolete o pinalabnaw na talaga nang technology pati mga personal na ideyalismo? 

Ah, sya nga pala, ito si Joma ngayon: 

O, diba, sino ang di madidisillusion? 

Bad Sex in Fiction Award

Besides the Top 10 books, movies, that TIME, Amazon, and other magazines chuck out every December, I check out who wins this contest annually.

This was the winner last year:

[Jonathan Littell’s “The Kindly Ones,” which involved a man, a woman, and a guillotine]:

Leaning over the lunette, my own neck beneath the blade, I whispered to her: ‘I’m going to pull the lever, I’m going to let the blade drop.’ She begged me: ‘Please, fuck my pussy.’—‘No.’ I came suddenly, a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg.

There are the candidates this year:

[Adam Ross, Mr. Peanut] 

“Love me!” she moaned lustily. “Oh, Ward! Love me now!” 

He jumped out from his pajama pants so acrobatically it was like a stunt from Cirque du Soleil. But when he went to remove her slip, she said, “Leave it!” which turned him on even more. He buried his face into Hannah’s cunt like a wanderer who’d found water in the desert. She tasted like a hot biscuit flavored with pee.

[Jonathan Franzen, Freedom] 

their own world. One afternoon, as Connie described it, her excited clitoris grew to be eight inches long, a protruding pencil of tenderness with which she gently parted the lips of his penis and drove herself down to the base of its shaft. Another day, at her urging, Joey described to her the sleek warm neatness of her turds as they slid from her anus and fell into his open mouth, where, since these were only words, they tasted like excellent dark chocolate.

One previous winner:

[Tom Wolfe, I am Charlotte Simmons] 

Hoyt began moving his lips as if he were trying to suck the ice cream off the top of a cone without using his teeth. She tried to make her lips move in sync with his. The next thing she knew, Hoyt had put his hand sort of under her thigh and hoisted her leg up over his thigh. What was she to do? Was this the point she should say, "Stop!"? No, she shouldn't put it that way. It would be much cooler to say, "No, Hoyt," in an even voice, the way you would talk to a dog that insists on begging at the table.

Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns - oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say "No, Hoyt" and talk to him like a dog. . .

. . . the fingers went under the elastic of the panties moan moan moan moan moan went Hoyt as he slithered slithered slithered slithered and caress caress caress caress went the fingers until they must be only eighths of inches from the border of her public hair - what's that! - Her panties were so wet down. . . there - the fingers had definitely reached the outer stand of the field of pubic hair and would soon plunge into the wet mess that was waiting right. . . there-there- 

The winner this year seems to have won not just on the strength of one passage, but the overall book. There is just one citation about comparing one sex scene to “a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect.”

All offers fantasthilarious reading.

(winner)

Pilipinaskaygandahin nyo mukha nyo, Department of Tourism

Fucking shit Department of Tourism. Pilipinaskaygandahin nyo mukha nyo, plagiarist fuckers.


For once, I support Miriam, for declaring this: 
"This is a very lightweight cabinet. They're so lightweight they're liable to float off their own delusions of grandeur... Dahil kung mediocre ka, kamukha ka na lang ng lahat ng tao. Magpakita ka naman ng talino mo." 
And this DOT secretary...

...this Alberto Lim is so arrogant to plaster his face as an intro in the DOT and wowphilippines website. 
Mr Secretary, do you think your face will attract tons of tourists? Or will it repel them, bureaucrat as you are? Your message is like one of those office memoes that we hate. Remove that fucking memo, you lightweight. 
Go back to your previous red-tape, worthless, business club work. 


Dear President Noynoy, find a young brand manager from one of the top Filipino corporations. You cannot match their salary, yes, but there are still those who are willing to take a pay cut to help this country. Attract one (say, as DOT secretary), work with him/her for two years, and then ask for a recommendation, a previous colleague who will serve, who are willing to really serve next.


They will prevent these snafus. You have so many disasters in your first year because, indeed, the people that surround you are lightweights!


UPDATE
This undersecretary who owned this disaster resigned. In doing this, you thought he had the grace and delicadeza that most people in government dont have... but no, he also had the arrogance to type in excuses 

Getting inspiration from existing designs is not an uncommon practice. In fact, in one of the definitions of plagiarism, it is stated that, “While plagiarism is condemned in academia and journalism, in the arts it is often a major part of the creative process.”

I did not consider it plagiarism then. I’m sorry others don’t feel the same way.

So, fuck you too Enteng Romano! You brought zero tourists (probably more potential ones, dismayed). Just leave. That's the point of owning mistakes. 

Dear Solar Sports

Dear Solar Sports,

Wag nyo namang katayin ang postfight interview. Wala na kayong itinitira kundi napakaikling isang tanong na may parang kuwaderno pa na nilagyan nang logo pang-advertisement na naman. Gusto rin namin mapanood at thought process at marinig mag-ingllis si Manny. (Humuhusay na sya di ba?)

Makuntento na kayo, solar sports, sa motolite pangmatagalan round, kitang-kita moment, powerpunch moment, kfc slomo,... wag nyo namang ipagkait sa madla ang maikling interview at kasiyahan.

Pero muli, mabuhay ka Manny!

Mapa-TV o sine, pinapakaba mo kami at pinapasaya.  

Weird, pero totoo raw ito, PENIS CAPTIVUS? Watdapak!

Sabi ng aming bubwit, totoo raw talaga ito:

Biruin mo ang karakas nang Martin na ito. Parang guwardiya lang.

***

Totoo rin daw ito.

Penis Captivus? Pwedeng pangalan ng  Decepticon ito a. Anggaling at all-powerful na robot siguro nito. Sisiw ang mga walang kwentang ganire...

Good sign!

INTERPRETATION:

Men shouldn’t throw starfish in the toilet bowl. Else, it will result to ladies being thrown up their butt with a tidal surge of toilet water, with smaller starfishes also sparkling about. 

Parang may mali uli nang konti dito...

parang may itlog din nang konti...

Parang may mali lang nang konti...

Parang...

tumatae lang ang sekretarya.
--ayon sa sekretarya.

tama ba?

Crazy

Next page on her "slide/trapper_keeper"

Masturbating

Fingering

Cutting classes

Saying “Pakyu!”

Laughing at this presentation (printout)

Saying Putangina or Pukinangina or Pukingina

Not memorizing Ama Namin
Thinking about boobs and titi
Sleeping/Snoring in church

Jollibee Transformers Toys

Ito si small starscream at si big starscream. Pareho silang di pa lumalaban, pero sumusuko agad.

We support Gary Granada

Please click and listen.

Hindi mag-aaksaya ang kung sinong tao nang oras sa wala.

Dalawa lang ang pinakanakakabwisit sa mundong ito: 1) yung nakawan ka, at 2) yung gaguhin/lokohin ka.

Watdapak GMA Foundation?

Wag namang ganyan sana sa China

Not an urban legend.

Pansisin mo sa MRT o LRT...

Hindi tumatabi o umuusog man lang ang mga kababaihan kapag ikaw ay bababa na. Walang nagpaparaan, deadma. Pag nabangga konti, sisimangot pa. Hehehe.

Kapag natyempo kang nakasakay sa dulong-dulong pinto ng mga panlalake, kita na sa kabilang salamin, ang coaster na pambabae, malilibang ka pagmasdan ang phenomenang ito. Lalo na pag may kasama kang bata o buntis at mapaupo sa ‘reserved’ door (yung sa pinto ng driver), masisiyahan ka talaga.

Bakit kaya ganito? Mas mapag-isip ba ang mga babae at ayaw maiistorbo sa kanilang pagmumuni-muni? Nasanay ba sila na mga lalake ang tumatabi sa kanilang dinaraanan kaya di sila titinag? O asar lang sila sa kapawa nila babaeng katabi at di talaga magbibigay… nagtatarayan ika nga?