We like books, we like movies, we like books made into movies. If there’s a guy who knows a thing or three about all of the above it’s the Philippines’ National Artist for Film and the Visual Arts, Carlo J. Caparas. Caparas went from writer of komiks serials to auteur of such films as The Vizconde Massacre, The Lipa Massacre, The Tirad Pass Massacre, The Lotto Massacre, and the Massacre Ng Mga Elitista, currently in production.
What if the National Artist were to adapt other people’s works of literature into film? The possibilities are stunning. In the hands of Carlo J. Caparas, Jose Rizal’s novel Noli Me Tangere (In English, Touch Me Not) would become Huwag Mo Akong Hipuin, Huwag!
Given the Carlo J treatment El Filibusterismo would turn into The Wedding Massacre: Sasabog Na Ang Bomba! (I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife.)
In contrast to the pallid Hollywood adaptation of Da Vinci Code, his version would be Ang Katawan At Dugo ni Mona Lisa (Hesusmaryosep!). The classic fairy tale The Little Red Riding Hood would turn into The Little Red Riding Hood Rape-Slay (Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?), and Snow White, The Pitong Unano Massacre (Huwag Mong Kakagatin Ang Mansanas!).
Send in your proposed titles (as many as you wish) for Carlo J. Caparas film adaptations of any book by Sunday, 20 September.
Here's my entry:
1) “House of Sand and Fog”
“Ang Bahay sa San Francisco:
T’was gifted to me, Thank God!”
Based on a true story
Starring: Mikey Arroyo
Sample Dialogue (search “Winnie + Mikey Arroyo” at Youtube)
Mikey: “Well put it this way,”
Igan: “O sige.”
“ Alam nyo kase, syempre unang-una kinasal tayo non, medyo nagkaron tayo ng marameng regalo. Ta’os pagkampanya, syempre kahit papano maraing tumutulong sa aten
“so nakaipon ka roon?”
“e hindi naman nakaipon, medyooo nakagaan nang konte. Tapos I have some good investments. Anyway, my lawyer will just aah.”
“okey abangan ko pag-uwi ng lawyer mo ha. Pagbalek”
…
Mikey: “Now youre being sarcastic…”
Mareng Winnie: “Hahaha. Of course.”
2) The World is What it is by Patrick French
“Ganyan talaga ang buhay, weather-weather lang”
Carlo Caparas grabbing the award. Ramon Santos being dropped from the rolls. Carlo Caparas will of course direct himself.
3) “What we talk about when we talk about love” by Raymond Carver
“Ano nga ba ang Pag-ibig?
God, speak to us!”
(ang haba nga naman ng transleysyon)
4) The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
Satanas, Lumayu ka!
The Bumbay Angel Tragedy
5) The Global Filipino (authorized biography of Jose DeVenecia)
Ilaban mo, Pilipinas kong mahal, sa mundong ibabaw, the Jose de Venecia Story.
The opening credits will go like this…
Inihahandog ng ating Pambansang Alagad ng Sining, na magaling magdrowing (tignan nyo ito o!), na may ipinangalan-sa-kanyang street sa Pasig, na mula sa masang na-ka-Rayban, na nagpupuyat isulat ang kanyang mga iskrip, nang maraming natutulungan, ang Hari ng Comics, Visual Arts… dyandyararaaan Carlo J Caparas!
Then, Amay Bisaya, Manoling Morato, and Pangarap kong Jackpot stars screaming: “Yahu! Manigas kayo!”
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